Relationship Reset

Sometimes relationships are difficult, really difficult. No, actually, very extremely difficult. So why do we stay, why should we stay, when it would be easier to leave and start over, right? This is often a topic that brings couples to counseling. We have been struggling for months, or for years, or since the birth of a child, or since we moved away from family support, or the death of a parent, or a job loss, or a job change. . . While there is often an awareness in each partner that there is something worthy to salvage in the relationship, it is not uncommon to wonder if life would be easier and the grass greener elsewhere.

Considered more seriously, and abusive relationships aside, the relationship we build with our partner is something beautiful. There is something that drew us to that person in the first place. Often there is great value in the bricks and mortar of the shared history, the joined memories, and for some, the family created. It is also in these romantic partnerships where we learn about ourselves and grow as individuals. Have you ever felt as though you might know aspects of your partner beyond what they understand about themselves? John and Julie Gottman (creators of Gottman Method Therapy) talk about the importance of accepting influence from one’s partner. While this can take many forms, the experience of seeing ourselves through our partner’s eyes can lead to potent growth opportunities. As a couples and individual therapist, I can attest to the truth in the notion that for better or for worse, we follow ourselves. What we don’t work out with one partner will follow us into other relationships.

So, dive in, work hard, and co-create a vibrant, beautiful, space where each person can feel known and loved. Please reach out if I can assist you in this process.

Thanks for reading Relationship Reset.

Kelly Smerz, PhD

Clinical Psychologist & Relationship Expert